Okay, so there's really so much more to say today. I feel utterly spent. Why is the word "feel" so taboo to men? Is it wrong to "feel" about things. Are my emotions crazy? Are they legitimate? Or am I slowly going nuts. That could be, what with 4 1/2 children, running a business, cleaning a house, and balancing all my relationships. Will I ever be the wife of his dreams? Will I ever have every nook and cranny clean? Will I ever make sure both of the girls have their hair brushed before they get out of the car to go into school? Why do things escape my attention? Heavens to Betsy. Who is Betsy? That's been my saying lately with the kids .... "Heavens to Betsy". I'm sure they're confused as heck. Will I ever maintain friendships they way I truly desire to? Will I ever escape making a money mistake in a month's time? Some days ... I just don't know how to even get out of bed. Will I ever be the mother I desire to be? Why do I let my temper get the best of me? Why does Kennedy argue with everything I say? Why is Keenan so much like me ... the bad ways? Why is Miss Kadi Dene' such a little bully? AND why is Koel into every blessed thing he can get his hands on as soon as I turn my back? Why is it so hard for me to maintain a consistent lifestyle? Why is being discplined in a routine so hard for me? Am I being defeated my own lack of motivation? I function better in routine. Am I just making excuses when I say it is so hard to do right now? Kyle had insight in that ... had a been doing it all along as each child came into the picture, it wouldn't be so hard now when it is VITAL! Will it be easier when we get back to homeschooling? I think it will ... we'll have to have a schedule! For all of us! I've started chores .... again. I told the kids this time though that whether or not they get their allowance at the end of the week will also be their responsibility ... not just mine. They have to make sure all their check-marks are in place! I will remind, etc .... but they need to learn responsibility! Oh me oh my. Will I ever be able to curb the cravings for sweets that I'm so overcome by? Yes, I know it is possible ... done it before ... this time just seems so much harder ... life has been harder ... maybe that's the reason .... probably a lack of faith. Probably me turning to food instead of our sweet sweet Savior. Ah, me oh my. To put that in writing ..... oh me of little faith. I really need to go ... I have things to attend to upstairs.